Happier at Home Read online

  To help you think about resolutions for your own happiness project, I regularly post suggestions and research on my blog, The Happiness Project, happiness-project.com.

  In addition to making specific resolutions, it’s important to find a strategy to assess your progress and to hold yourself accountable. I copied Benjamin Franklin’s Virtues Chart to devise my Resolutions Chart. If you’d like to see a copy of my Resolutions Chart, as an example, email me at [email protected] or request it through the blog.

  You might also consider launching or joining a happiness-project group, for people doing happiness projects together. In these groups, people swap ideas, build enthusiasm, and, more important, hold each other accountable. Also, just being part of a group tends to boost happiness. To get the starter kit for launching a happiness-project group, email me at [email protected] or request it through the blog.

  As another way to help you identify, record, and track your resolutions, I created the Happiness Project Toolbox website, located at www.happinessprojecttoolbox.com. There, I’ve pulled together many of the tools that helped me with my happiness project. You can record and score your resolutions (individual or group), identify your personal commandments, share your happiness hacks, share your Secrets of Adulthood, keep a one-sentence journal, make any kind of list, and create an inspiration board of your favorite books, quotations, movies, music, or images. Your entries can be kept private or made public, and you can also read other people’s public entries (which is fascinating).

  If you’d like to receive my free monthly newsletter, which includes highlights from the daily blog and the Facebook page, email me at [email protected] or request it through the blog.

  If you’d like to receive the “Moment of Happiness,” a free daily email with a happiness quotation, request it through the blog or email me at [email protected]. To volunteer as a Super-Fan, email me at [email protected]. From time to time, I’ll ask for your help (nothing too onerous, I promise).

  Join the conversation about happiness:

  On Twitter: @gretchenrubin

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  If you’d like to write me about your own experiences and views of happiness, email me through the Happiness Project blog. I look forward to hearing from you about this inexhaustibly interesting subject: the practice of everyday life.

  —Gretchen Rubin

  THE EIGHT SPLENDID TRUTHS

  FIRST

  To be happy, I need to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.

  SECOND

  One of the best ways to make myself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy myself.

  THIRD

  The days are long, but the years are short.

  FOURTH

  I’m not happy unless I think I’m happy.

  FIFTH

  I can build a happy life only on the foundation of my own nature.

  SIXTH

  The only person I can change is myself.

  SEVENTH

  Happy people make people happy, but

  I can’t make someone be happy, and

  No one else can make me happy.

  EIGHTH

  Now is now.

  SUGGESTIONS FOR FURTHER READING

  Many extraordinary books have been written about happiness. This list doesn’t attempt to cover all the most important works, but instead highlights some of my personal favorites.

  ON HOUSE AND HOME

  Alexander, Christopher. The Nature of Order: An Essay on the Art of Building and the Nature of the Universe. 4 vols. Berkeley: Center for Environmental Structure, 2001.

  Alexander, Christopher, Sara Ishikawa, and Murray Silverstein. A Pattern Language. New York: Oxford University Press, 1977.

  Bachelard, Gaston, The Poetics of Space. Translated by Maria Jolas. Boston: Beacon Press, 1958.

  Bryson, Bill. At Home: A Short History of Private Life. New York: Doubleday, 2010.

  Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly, and Eugene Rochberg-Halton. The Meaning of Things: Domestic Symbols and the Self. New York: Cambridge University Press, 1981.

  De Botton, Alain. The Architecture of Happiness. New York: Pantheon, 2006.

  Frost, Randy O., and Gail Steketee. Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things. New York: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2010.

  Gosling, Sam. Snoop: What Your Stuff Says About You. New York: Basic Books, 2008.

  Maistre, Xavier de. A Journey Around My Room. London: Hesperus Classics, 2004.

  McGinn, Daniel. House Lust: America’s Obsessions with Our Homes. New York: Doubleday, 2008.

  Norman, Donald. Emotional Design: Why We Love (or Hate) Everyday Things.

  New York: Basic Books, 2004.

  Owen, David. Around the House: Reflections on Life Under a Roof. New York: Villard, 1998.

  Perec, Georges. Species of Spaces and Other Pieces. Edited and translated by John Sturrock. New York: Penguin, 1997.

  Pollan, Michael. A Place of My Own: The Architecture of Daydreams. New York: Penguin, 1997.

  Rybczynski, Witold. Home: A Short History of an Idea. New York: Viking, 1986.

  TIME

  Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly. Finding Flow: The Psychology of Engagement with Everyday Life. New York: Basic Books, 1997.

  Steel, Piers. The Procrastination Equation: How to Motivate Yourself to Live the Life You Want. New York: Harper, 2010.

  Vanderkam, Laura. 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think. New York: Portfolio, 2010.

  Zimbardo, Philip, and John Boyd. The Time Paradox: The New Psychology of Time That Will Change Your Life. New York: Free Press, 2008.

  SOME HELPFUL BOOKS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

  Christakis, Nicholas A., and James H. Fowler. Connected: The Surprising Power of Our Social Networks and How They Shape Our Lives. New York: Little, Brown, 2009.

  Demarais, Ann, and Valerie White. First Impressions: What You Don’t Know About How Others See You. New York: Bantam Books, 2005.

  Faber, Adele, and Elaine Mazlish. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. New York: Avon Books, 1980.

  ———. Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too. New York: Quill, 1987.

  Felps, Will, Terence R. Mitchell, and Eliza Byington, “How, When, and Why Bad Apples Spoil the Barrel: Negative Group Members and Dysfunctional Groups.” Research in Organizational Behavior 27 (2006): 175–222.

  Fisher, Helen. Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. New York: Henry Holt, 2004.

  Gostick, Adrian, and Scott Christopher. The Levity Effect: Why It Pays to Lighten Up. Hoboken, NJ: Wiley & Sons, 2008.

  Gottman, John, and Joan DeClaire. The Relationship Cure: A Five-Step Guide for Building Better Connections with Family, Friends, and Lovers. New York: Three Rivers Press, 2001.

  Gottman, John, and Nan Silver. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. London: Orion, 2004.

  Littman, Jonathan, and Marc Hershon. I Hate People! Kick Loose from the Overbearing and Underhanded Jerks at Work and Get What You Want Out of Your Job. New York: Little, Brown, 2009.

  McGrath, Helen, and Hazel Edwards. Difficult Personalities: A Practical Guide to Managing the Hurtful Behavior of Others (and Maybe Your Own). New York: The Experiment, 2010.

  Orbuch, Terri. Five Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great. New York: Delacorte Press, 2009.

  Parker-Pope, Tara. For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage. New York: Dutton, 2010.

  Sutton, Robert I. The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t. New York: Warner Business, 2007.

  Szuchman, Paula, and Jenny Anderson. Spousonomics: Using Economics to Master Love, Marriage, and Dirty Dishes. New York: Random House, 2011.

  Thompson, Michael, and Catherine O’Neill Grace. Be
st Friends, Worst Enemies: Understanding the Social Lives of Children. New York: Ballantine, 2001.

  Weinder-Davis, Michele. Divorce Busting: A Revolutionary and Rapid Program for Staying Together. New York: Summit Books, 1992.

  BIOGRAPHIES AND MEMOIRS OF PARTICULAR INTEREST

  Boswell, James. The Life of Samuel Johnson. New York: Penguin, 2008. Delacroix, Eugene. The Journal of Eugène Delacroix. 3rd ed. Translated by Hubert Wellington. London: Phaidon Press, 1951.

  Dinesen, Isak [Karen Blixen]. Out of Africa. New York: Penguin, 2001.

  Dylan, Bob. Chronicles: Volume One. New York: Simon and Schuster, 2005.

  Jung, Carl. Memories, Dreams, Reflections. Edited by Aniela Jaffe. New York: Vintage, 1989.

  Spink, Kathryn. Mother Teresa. San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1997.

  Strachey, Lytton. Queen Victoria. New York: Harvest Books, 1921.

  Thoreau, Henry David. Walden. New York: Modern Library, 2000.

  Wright, Frank Lloyd. An Autobiography. New York: Pomegranate, 2005.

  SOME WORKS IN THE HISTORY OF HAPPINESS AND IN THE STUDY OF HOME

  Aristotle, The Ethics of Aristotle: The Nicomachean Ethics. Translated by J. A. K. Thomsom. New York: Penguin, 1976.

  Bacon, Francis. The Essays. New York: Penguin, 1986.

  Boethius, Anicius Manlius Severinus. The Consolation of Philosophy. Translated by Victor Watts. New York: Penguin, 2000.

  Cicero, Marcus Tullius. On the Good Life. Translated by Michael Grant. New York: Penguin, 1971.

  Dalai Lama, and Howard C. Cutler. The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living. New York: Riverhead, 1998.

  Epicurus. The Essential Epicurus. Translated by Eugene Michael O’Connor. New York: Prometheus Books, 1993.

  Hazlitt, William. Essays. London: Coward-McCann, 1950.

  James, William. The Varieties of Religious Experience: A Study in Human Nature. New York: New American Library, 1958.

  La Rochefoucauld, François, duc de. Maxims of La Rochefoucauld. Mount Vernon, N.Y.: Peter Pauper Press, 1938.

  Montaigne, Michel de, The Complete Essays of Montaigne. Translated by Donald Frame. Stanford: Stanford University Press, 1958.

  Plutarch, Selected Lives and Essays. New York: Walter J. Black, 1951.

  Russell, Bertrand. The Conquest of Happiness. New York: H. Liveright, 1930.

  Schopenhauer, Arthur. Parerga and Paralipomena. 2 vols. Translated by E. F. J. Payne. Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1974.

  Seneca. Letters from a Stoic. Translated by Robin Campbell. New York: Penguin, 1969.

  Smith, Adam. The Theory of Moral Sentiments. Washington, D.C.: Gateway Editions, 2000.

  Thompson, Paul. The Work of William Morris. New York: Oxford University Press, 1991.

  SOME INTERESTING BOOKS BEARING ON THE SCIENCE AND PRACTICE OF HAPPINESS

  Argyle, Michael. The Psychology of Happiness. 2nd ed. New York: Routledge, 2001.

  Bloom, Paul. How Pleasure Works: The New Science of Why We Like What We Like. New York: Norton, 2010.

  Burkeman, Oliver. Help! How to Become Slightly Happier and Get a Bit More Done. London: Canongate, 2011.

  Cowen, Tyler. Discover Your Inner Economist: Use Incentives to Fall in Love, Survive Your Next Meeting, and Motivate Your Dentist. New York: Dutton, 2007.

  Crawford, Matthew. Shop Class as Soulcraft: An Inquiry into the Value of Work. New York: Penguin, 2009.

  Diener, Ed, and Robert Biswas-Diener. Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth. Malden, Mass.: Wiley-Blackwell, 2008.

  Easterbrook, Gregg. The Progress Paradox: How Life Gets Better While People Feel Worse. New York: Random House, 2003.

  Eid, Michael, and Randy J. Larsen, eds. The Science of Subjective Well-Being. New York: Guildford Press, 2008.

  Frey, Bruno, and Alois Stutzer. Happiness and Economics: How the Economy and Institutions Affect Human Well-Being. Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press, 2002.

  Gilbert, Daniel. Stumbling on Happiness. New York: Knopf, 2006.

  Gladwell, Malcolm. Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking. New York: Little, Brown, 2005.

  Haidt, Jonathan. The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom. New York: Basic Books, 2006.

  Herz, Rachel. The Scent of Desire: Discovering Our Enigmatic Sense of Smell. New York: William Morrow, 2007.

  Lyubomirsky, Sonja. The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want. New York: Penguin Press, 2008.

  Nettle, Daniel. Happiness: The Science Behind Your Smile. New York: Oxford University Press, 2005.

  ———. Personality: What Makes You the Way You Are. New York: Oxford University Press, 2006.

  Nhat Hanh, Thich. The Miracle of Mindfulness: A Manual on Meditation. Translated by Mobi Ho. Boston: Beacon Press, 1987.

  Pink, Daniel. Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us. New York:

  Riverhead, 2009.

  ———. A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future. New York: Riverhead, 2005.

  Schwartz, Barry. The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less. New York: Harper Perennial, 2004.

  Seligman, Martin. Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment. New York: Free Press, 2002.

  ———. Learned Optimism. New York: Knopf, 1991.

  ———. The Optimistic Child: How Learned Optimism Protects Children from Depression. New York: Houghton Mifflin, 1995.

  ———. What You Can Change and What You Can’t: The Complete Guide to Successful Self-Improvement. New York: Knopf, 1993.

  Thernstrom, Melanie. The Pain Chronicles: Cures, Myths, Mysteries, Prayers, Diaries, Brain Scans, Healing, and the Science of Suffering. New York: Picador, 2010.

  Wilson, Timothy. Strangers to Ourselves: Discovering the Adaptive Unconscious. Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 2002.

  EXAMPLES OF OTHER PEOPLE’S HAPPINESS PROJECTS

  Bowman, Alisa. Project: Happily Ever After. New York: Running Press, 2010.

  De Botton, Alain. How Proust Can Change Your Life. New York: Vintage International, 1997.

  Frankl, Victor E. Man’s Search for Meaning. Boston: Beacon Press, 1992.

  Gilbert, Elizabeth. Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India, and Indonesia. New York: Penguin Books, 2007.

  Jacobs, A. J. The Year of Living Biblically: One Man’s Humble Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible. New York: Simon and Schuster, 2007.

  Krakauer, Jon. Into the Wild. New York: Villard, 1996.

  Kreamer, Anne. Going Gray: What I Learned About Sex, Work, Motherhood, Authenticity, and Everything Else That Really Matters. New York: Little, Brown, 2007.

  Lamott, Anne. Operating Instructions. New York: Random House, 1997.

  ———. Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith. New York: Pantheon, 2005.

  Maugham, W. Somerset. The Summing Up. New York: Doubleday, 1938.

  O’Halloran, Maura. Pure Heart, Enlightened Mind. New York: Riverhead, 1994.

  Shapiro, Susan. Lighting Up: How I Stopped Smoking, Drinking, and Everything Else I Loved in Life Except Sex. New York: Delacorte Press, 2004.

  Thoreau, Henry David. Walden: Or, Life in the Woods. Boston: Shambhala Publications, 2004.

  SOME OF MY FAVORITE NOVELS ABOUT HAPPINESS AND HOME

  Colwin, Laurie. Happy All the Time. New York, HarperPerennial, 1978.

  Frayn, Michael. A Landing on the Sun. New York: Viking, 1991.

  Grunwald, Lisa. Whatever Makes You Happy. New York: Random House, 2005.

  Hornby, Nick. How to Be Good. New York: Riverhead Trade, 2002.

  McEwan, Ian. Saturday. New York: Doubleday, 2005.

  Patchett, Ann. Truth and Beauty: A Friendship. New York: HarperCollins, 2005.

  Perec, Georges. Life: A User’s Manual. Boston: David R. Godine, 1978.

  Robinson, Marilynne. Gilead. New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2004.

  ———. Home. New York: F
arrar, Straus and Giroux, 2008.

  Stegner, Wallace. Crossing to Safety. New York: Random House, 1987.

  Tolstoy, Leo. Anna Karenina. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1939.

  ———. The Death of Ivan Ilyich and Other Stories. New York: Knopf, 2009.

  ———. Resurrection. New York: Oxford World Classics, 1994.

  ———. War and Peace. New York: Penguin Books, 1957.

  Von Arnim, Elizabeth. Elizabeth and Her German Garden. Chicago: W. B. Conkey, 1901.

  ———. The Enchanted April. London: Virago, 1922.

  Woolf, Virginia. Mrs. Dalloway. New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1925.

  ———. To the Lighthouse. New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1927.

  A FEW WONDERFUL CHILDREN’S AND YOUNG-ADULTS’ NOVELS THAT HIGHLIGHT THE THEME OF HAPPINESS AND HOME

  Edwards, Julie Andrews. Mandy. New York: Bantam Pathfinder, 1971.

  Enright, Elizabeth. The Melendy series and the Gone-Away Lake books.

  Jarrell, Randall. The Animal Family. New York: HarperCollins, 1965.

  White, E. B. Charlotte’s Web. New York: HarperCollins, 1951.

  Wilder, Laura Ingalls. The Little House books.

  Garth Williams is the master illustrator of “home.”

  THE BOOKS THAT MOST INFLUENCED MY OWN HAPPINESS PROJECT

  Franklin, Benjamin. The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin. New Haven, Conn.: Yale University Press, 1964.

  Thérèse of Lisieux. Story of a Soul. 3rd ed. Edited by John Clarke, O.C.D. Washington, D.C.: ICS Publications, 1996.

  Everything written by Samuel Johnson.

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