Outer Order, Inner Calm Read online

  ALSO BY GRETCHEN RUBIN

  The Four Tendencies

  Better Than Before

  Happier at Home

  The Happiness Project

  Forty Ways to Look at JFK

  Forty Ways to Look at Winston Churchill

  Power Money Fame Sex: A User’s Guide

  Profane Waste (with Dana Hoey)

  Copyright © 2019 by Gretchen Rubin

  All rights reserved.

  Published in the United States by Harmony Books, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York.

  crownpublishing.com

  Harmony Books is a registered trademark, and the Circle colophon is a trademark of Penguin Random House LLC.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Names: Rubin, Gretchen, author.

  Title: Outer order, inner calm : declutter and organize to make more room for happiness / Gretchen Rubin.

  Description: New York : Harmony, 2019.

  Identifiers: LCCN 2018029854 (print) | LCCN 2018035349 (ebook) | ISBN 9781984822819 (e-book) | ISBN 9781984822802 (hardback)

  Subjects: LCSH: Self-actualization (Psychology) | Happiness. | Success. | BISAC: SELF-HELP / Personal Growth / Happiness. | HOUSE & HOME / Cleaning & Caretaking. | SELF-HELP / Personal Growth / Success.

  Classification: LCC BF637.S4 (ebook) | LCC BF637.S4 R8283 2019 (print) | DDC 158--dc23

  LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018029854

  ISBN 9781984822802

  Ebook ISBN 9781984822819

  Cover design by Danielle Deschenes

  Illustrations by Jon McNaught

  v5.3.2

  prh

  To my readers, listeners, and viewers

  Order is Heaven’s first law.

  ALEXANDER POPE

  CONTENTS

  INTRODUCTION | Why Bother with Outer Order?

  1 |Make Choices

  2 |Create Order

  3 |Know Yourself—and Others

  4 |Cultivate Helpful Habits

  5 |Add Beauty

  CONCLUSION | The Fulfillment of Inner Calm

  Acknowledgments

  Top Ten Tips for Creating Outer Order

  Suggestions for Further Reading

  INTRODUCTION

  Why Bother with Outer Order?

  In my study of happiness, I’ve realized that for most of us, outer order contributes to inner calm.

  More than it should.

  In the context of a happy life, a messy desk or a crowded coat closet is a trivial problem—yet getting control of the stuff of life often makes it easier to feel more in control of our lives generally.

  When I’m surrounded by a mess, I feel restless and unsettled. When I clean up that mess, I’m always surprised by the disproportionate energy and cheer I gain, plus I’m able to find my keys. A friend once told me, “I finally cleaned out my fridge and now I know I can switch careers.” I knew exactly what she meant.

  By getting rid of the things I don’t use, don’t need, or don’t love, as well as the things that don’t work, don’t fit, or don’t suit, I free my mind—and my shelves—for what I truly value. And that’s true for most people.

  Often, when disorder starts to creep in, I think, I don’t have time to fight my way through all this stuff! I’m too busy to deal with it! But I’ve learned that by managing my possessions, I can improve my emotional attitude, my physical health, my intellectual vigor, and even my social life.

  Now, no matter how busy I am, I force myself to take at least a few minutes each day to impose some order. If I’m feeling overwhelmed by multiple writing deadlines, I spend twenty minutes cleaning my office, because I know that clearing my papers clears my mind.

  I’ve also found that once I start, it’s easier to keep going. True, sometimes it feels auspicious to do a big clutter-clearing on New Year’s Day, or as spring cleaning, or as pre–Labor Day prep—but now is always the best time to begin. A friend told me, “I woke up one morning and on impulse decided to tackle my basement. I spent my entire Sunday down there, and I was so pumped by the end that I wanted to keep going all night. I got up early on Monday morning just to sit there and gloat. It gave me such a lift at the start of a tough workweek.”

  We want to cherish our possessions and we also want to feel free of them. I want to keep every toy that my children ever loved, but I also want to have plenty of space in our apartment.

  With outer order, we achieve that balance.

  Outer order offers nine promises:

  1

  OUTER ORDER SAVES TIME, MONEY, SPACE, ENERGY, AND PATIENCE. I move more smoothly through my days. I don’t waste time searching for things; I don’t struggle to put things away; I don’t have to run out to buy a duplicate of something I already own. It’s easier to clean. I feel less frustrated, less rushed, and less cramped. I’m not frittering my life away on trivial chores and annoyances.

  2

  OUTER ORDER FOSTERS PEACE WITHIN RELATIONSHIPS. I spend less time nagging at or arguing with other people. I avoid boring questions like “Where’s my passport?” “Where’s the toner?” “Who left the mess in that room?” “Where does this go?”

  3

  OUTER ORDER CREATES A FEELING OF SANCTUARY. I experience true leisure because I don’t feel pressured to jump up and deal with a mess. Once visual noise is eliminated, I feel more focused and there’s more room in my mind, my schedule, and my space for creative activity. Instead of being sources of stress, my home and my office are places of comfort and energy. I can revel in the beauty of my possessions because I can see and reach everything easily. I have plenty of room for everything that’s important to me. Our physical experience colors our emotional experience, and when my body is in a place that’s orderly, my mind becomes more serene.

  4

  OUTER ORDER REDUCES GUILT. I feel relieved of guilt about the possessions I’ve never used and the projects I’ve never finished. Because I make better use of what I already own, I can buy less in the future. And I know I’ll leave a lighter burden for others to handle after I’m gone.

  5

  OUTER ORDER ALLOWS ME TO PROJECT A MORE POSITIVE IDENTITY TO MYSELF AND TO THE WORLD. I feel greater self-possession; I feel more self-assured and capable. Once I’ve cleared away the things I don’t need, use, or love, my surroundings reveal to me, and to others, the things that matter most to me. Careful curation means that my space and my possessions reflect my truest identity.

  6

  OUTER ORDER RELIEVES ME OF THE FEAR OF PEOPLE’S JUDGMENT. I’m more hospitable because I can invite people over without hours of preparatory cleaning. I don’t panic at the prospect of an unexpected guest or an emergency repair. I’m pleased to show my space to others.

  7

  OUTER ORDER REFLECTS WHAT’S HAPPENING NOW IN MY LIFE. Because I’ve let go of things that once—but no longer—played an active role in my life, I have more time for what’s important right now. No more giant toys from my children’s babyhood, no more rows of thick law books crowding my office bookshelves. I keep a few precious mementos from the old days, but most of my space is devoted to what’s important now.

  8

  OUTER ORDER CREATES A SENSE OF POSSIBILITY. When too much stuff piles up, I feel paralyzed. Digging myself out of the mess seems insurmountable, so I stay stuck. When clutter is gone, I have more choices about the future: what to buy, what to do, where and how to live. Because I’m no longer hemmed in by possessions, I feel a sense of renewal.

  9
/>   OUTER ORDER SHARPENS MY SENSE OF PURPOSEFULNESS. I know what I have, why I have it, and where it belongs. I make good use of everything I own. There’s nothing random, no uncertainty, no default choices. I’m surrounded by meaningful possessions that are ready for me to use them.

  Our rooms shape our thoughts, and our possessions change our moods. It can be challenging to influence our thoughts and actions directly; by improving the state of our surroundings, we can improve our state of mind.

  Because our minds feed on the experience of our five senses, pleasing our senses raises our spirits.

  Given how much clutter affects my own happiness and the enthusiasm for this subject in popular culture, I’m surprised that researchers haven’t investigated the effects of clutter more thoroughly. The studies that do exist tend to address questions such as whether it’s “better” to be organized or messy. To me, the answer seems obvious: It depends. We all differ in what works “better.”

  We all must face clutter in the way that’s right for us. We’re all different—in what possessions we value, in the kinds of surroundings that we find pleasurable, in the kinds of habits that come naturally to us, in the dynamics of our household or workplace. There’s no one “right” or “best” way to create a better life.

  In fact, we should work to create outer order only if it makes us happier. There’s no magic in making a bed, or filing papers, or emptying an in-box each night. These efforts are worthwhile only if they bring us more happiness. We’ve achieved the right level of order when we can find what we need, feel good in our space, and don’t feel hindered by stuff. For some people, what looks like disorder works just fine.

  Why, then, do so many experts insist that they’ve found the one true and right way? It’s a fact about human nature: when getting advice, we love to receive a precise, standardized template for success, and when giving advice, we love to insist that the strategy that works so well for us will surely work for others. But each of us must find our own way.

  Some people want to clear a little clutter each day; some people want to work for fourteen hours straight. Some people struggle with overbuying; some people (like me) struggle with underbuying. Some people feel a strong emotional or mystical attachment to possessions; others don’t feel much connection to objects. Some people curate their possessions with great care; others put little thought into what they buy and where they put it. Some people are powerfully attracted by the promise of minimalism—and some people aren’t.

  Nevertheless, while each of us might define and achieve outer order in different ways, it’s clear that for most people, outer order does indeed contribute to inner calm.

  Some people ask me, “Given the problems of the world, isn’t it superficial and silly to devote time, energy, money, or concern to tackling clutter?” We may be deeply worried about the problems of the world, and we’re right to be worried. Yet the promise of outer order is something that we can tackle on our own right now. By doing so, we help restore our equanimity—and this isn’t a futile or selfish gesture, because that equanimity makes us more effective when we seek to address the problems of the world.

  Outer Order, Inner Calm lays out the five stages for establishing outer order. First, we make choices—what possessions to keep and what to do with them. Once we’ve cleared through our things, we create order by organizing, repairing, and attending to neglected areas. Next, we reflect on ourselves, to know ourselves—and others—so that we can take those individual insights into account. Then, once the clutter is vanquished, it’s useful to cultivate helpful habits to maintain that order, so the clutter doesn’t return. The fifth and final step is to add beauty to make our surroundings more inviting and comfortable.

  The chapters covering these five stages encompass a wide range of suggestions about how to create outer order. Different ideas appeal to different people, and each reader can adopt those ideas that strike a chord—and ignore the ones that don’t resonate. When we tailor our approach to suit our own particular challenges and habits, we’re far more likely to be able to fashion the order we desire. Outer Order, Inner Calm isn’t a book about how to clean a house or an office; it’s a book about how to boost happiness by creating the outer order that fosters inner calm.

  Step by step—as part of our ordinary routine, without spending a lot of time, energy, or money—we can create the orderly surroundings that help us to live happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative lives.

  Whenever you read this, and wherever you are, you’re in the right place to begin.

  1

  Make Choices

  If you want a golden rule that will fit everybody, this is it: Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.

  WILLIAM MORRIS

  Clearing clutter is a big challenge. Why? One reason is that the process requires us to make taxing choices about what to keep, what to discard, and why.

  Often, to make those choices, we must confront the reason that we’ve accumulated that clutter in the first place. Do any of these explanations sound familiar?

  This thing is so useful that someday I’ll find a way to use it.

  I could get this thing fixed or altered.

  Life’s too short to spend my time dealing with this thing.

  This thing was a gift, so I need to keep it out of respect for the giver.

  This thing hasn’t been used up yet.

  Just wait, someday this thing will be a collector’s item!

  I never had this thing as a child, so I want to have it as an adult.

  The more things I keep, the more I will leave my family one day.

  This thing reminds me of someone I love.

  If I deal with this thing now—if I make my bed or wash this dish—I’ll just have to deal with it all over again tomorrow.

  I’m more creative with all these things around me.

  I can’t deal with this thing until everyone around me agrees about what we should do with it.

  Someday, I might need this thing.

  I don’t have the space to put away this thing properly.

  When I have time, I could do a cool project with this thing.

  Going through my things stirs up my emotions and I can’t handle that right now.

  Everyone I know has this thing, so I should have one, too.

  I don’t have the time or the energy to decide what to do with this thing.

  If I get rid of this thing, and other things, my home or office will feel sterile and stripped.

  I’ve had this thing for so long; I can’t get rid of it now.

  I forgot about that thing! I didn’t even realize it was there.

  This thing will feel lonely or abandoned if I get rid of it.

  I’ll definitely use this thing as soon as I change my life in a major way. I’ll get a puppy. I’ll lose thirty pounds. I’ll form a band.

  I don’t know where to put this thing, so I’ll just put it…here.

  I have to leave this thing out where I can see it so that I remember to deal with it.

  It’s exhausting to make decisions; nevertheless, the crucial first step in creating outer order is to figure out what stays and what goes.

  Creating outer order becomes far easier when there’s less clutter to manage, so it’s worth the effort to sort through our possessions. At the same time, it’s important to remember that outer order isn’t simply a matter of having less or having more; it’s a matter of wanting what we have.

  Make choices.

  PREPARE YOURSELF.

  Clearing clutter is exhausting because it requires us to make choices—and making choices is hard. It takes intellectual energy as well as emotional energy.

  For this reason, clutter-clearing (like everything else in life) is easier when you’re well rested, not hungry, and not rushed, and, if necessary, fortified with plenty of caffeine.

  For a major clutter-clearing, you may want
to recruit a companion to help you make decisions and deal with the grunt work of sorting, moving, packing, and tossing.

  Also, proper supplies make the work easier to do. Ziploc bags, garbage bags, labels, storage and recycling bins, plastic gloves, cleaning supplies, a stepladder, a flashlight, a permanent marker, a pair of scissors, boxes, packing tape, a box cutter, manila folders, and paper and a pen may come in handy.

  CONSIDER THE THREE BIG QUESTIONS OF CLUTTER.

  When trying to decide the fate of a possession, ask yourself:

  Do I need it?

  Do I love it?

  Do I use it?

  Sometimes, you use something that you don’t love or you need something even though you use it only once every five years. Or perhaps you love something that you never use. That’s okay—just because something isn’t being used doesn’t mean it’s useless.

  But if you don’t need it, love it, or use it, you should probably get rid of it.

  For any possession that passes this test, ask one additional question:

  Where does it belong?

  Every item should have a specific home.

  NEVER LABEL ANYTHING “MISCELLANEOUS.”

  And don’t use a term that’s a synonym for “miscellaneous.”

  I once created a file called active useful documents and then never looked in it again.

  IDENTIFY YOUR BENEFICIARIES.

  It’s much easier to let go of unneeded items when we can envision others getting good use from them, so identify people and organizations who will appreciate your contributions.