The Happiness Project Read online

  Thanks to the readers who commented on drafts: Delia Boylan, Susan Devenyi, Elizabeth Craft Fierro, Reed Hundt, A. J. Jacobs, Michael Melcher, Kim Malone Scott, Kamy Wicoff, and most of all, Melanie Rehak.

  Thanks to all the people who worked with me on various offshoots of the Happiness Project: the far-flung Jayme Stevens; the graphic designer Charlotte Strick; the cartoonist Chari Pere; Tom Romer, Lauren Ribando and the folks at the Chopping Block Web design firm; Melissa Parrish and Tanya Singer at RealSimple.com; Verena Von Pfetten and Anya Strzemien at The Huffington Post; and Michael Newman at Slate.

  Thanks very much to all my friends from blogland, who have given me so much advice, help, and link love—just to mention a few, people such as Leo Babauta, Therese Borchard, Chris Brogan, Ben Casnocha, Tyler Cowen, Jackie Danicki, Dory Devlin, Erin Doland, Asha Dornfest, Kathy Hawkins, Tony Hsieh, Guy Kawasaki, Danielle LaPorte, Brett McKay, Daniel Pink, J. D. Roth, Glen Stansberry, Bob Sutton, Colleen Wainwright, everyone in the LifeRemix network…I could keep going for pages. I only hope I get to meet them all in real life one day.

  I can’t say enough to thank my blog readers, particularly those whose words I quote. Being able to exchange ideas about happiness with so many thoughtful readers has been extraordinarily helpful—and fun.

  A huge thanks to Christy Fletcher, my agent, and to Gail Winston, my editor—working on this book was a very happy experience.

  Most of all, thanks to my family. You are my weather.

  YOUR HAPPINESS PROJECT

  Each person’s happiness project will be unique, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit from starting one. My own happiness project started in January and lasted a year—and, I hope, will last for the rest of my life—but your happiness project can start any time and last as long as you choose. You can start small (putting your keys away in the same place every night) or big (repairing your relationships with your family). It’s up to you.

  First, to decide what resolutions to make, consider the First Splendid Truth and answer the following questions:

  What makes you feel good? What activities do you find fun, satisfying, or energizing?

  What makes you feel bad? What are sources of anger, irritation, boredom, frustration, or anxiety in your life?

  Is there any way in which you don’t feel right about your life? Do you wish you could change your job, city, family situation, or other circumstances? Are you living up to your expectations for yourself? Does your life reflect your values?

  Do you have sources of an atmosphere of growth? In what elements of your life do you find progress, learning, challenge, improvement, and increased mastery?

  Answering these questions provides a good road map to the kind of changes you might consider. Once you’ve decided what areas need work, identify specific, measurable resolutions that will allow you to evaluate whether you’re making progress. Resolutions work better when they’re concrete, not abstract: it’s harder to keep a resolution to “Be a more loving parent” than to “Get up fifteen minutes early so I’m dressed before the kids wake up.”

  Once you’ve made your resolutions, find a strategy to assess your progress and to hold yourself accountable. I copied Benjamin Franklin’s Virtues Chart to devise my Resolutions Chart. Other approaches might be starting a goals group, keeping a one-sentence journal marking your progress, or starting a blog.

  Another useful exercise is to identify your personal commandments—the principles that you want to guide your behavior. For example, my most important personal commandment is to “Be Gretchen.”

  To help you with your happiness project, I created the Happiness Project Toolbox Web site, www.happinessprojecttoolbox.com. There, I’ve pulled together many of the tools that helped me with my happiness project. You can record and score your resolutions (individual or group), keep a one-sentence journal on any topic you like, identify your personal commandments, share your happiness hacks, share your Secrets of Adulthood, keep any kind of list, and create an inspiration board of your favorite books, quotations, movies, music, or images. Your entries can be kept private or made public, and you can also read other people’s public entries (which is fascinating).

  If you’d like to start a group for people doing happiness projects, e-mail me through my blog for a starter kit. If you’d like to join an existing group visit the Gretchen Rubin page on Facebook to see if a group has formed in your city.

  SUGGESTIONS FOR FURTHER READING

  Many extraordinary books have been written about happiness. This list doesn’t attempt to cover all the most important works, but instead highlights some of my personal favorites.

  SOME WORKS IN THE HISTORY OF HAPPINESS

  Aristotle. The Ethics of Aristotle: The Nicomachean Ethics, ed. Hugh Tredennick, J. A. K. Thomson, and Jonathan Barnes. New York: Penguin, 1976.

  Bacon, Francis. The Essays. New York: Penguin, 1986.

  Boethius, Anicius Manlius Severinus. The Consolation of Philosophy. Translated by Victor Watts. New York: Penguin, 2000.

  Cicero, Marcus Tullius. On the Good Life. Translated by Michael Grant. New York: Penguin, 1971.

  Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler. The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living. New York: Riverhead, 1998.

  Delacroix, Eugène. The Journal of Eugène Delacroix, 3rd ed. Translated by Hubert Wellington. London: Phaidon Press, 1951.

  Epicurus. The Essential Epicurus. Translated by Eugene Michael O’Connor. New York: Prometheus Books, 1993.

  Hazlitt, William. Essays. London: Coward-McCann, 1950. James, William. The Varieties of Religious Experience: A Study in Human Nature. New York: New American Library, 1958.

  La Rochefoucauld, François de. Maxims of La Rochefoucauld. Translated by Stuart Warner. South Bend, Ind.: St. Augustine’s Press, 2001.

  Montaigne, Michel Eyquem de. The Complete Essays of Montaigne. Translated by Donald Frame. Palo Alto, Calif.: Stanford University Press, 1958.

  Plutarch. Selected Lives and Essays. Translated by Louise Ropes Loomis. New York: Walter J. Black, 1951.

  Russell, Bertrand. The Conquest of Happiness. New York: Liveright, 1930.

  Schopenhauer, Arthur. Parerga and Paralipomena, vols. 1 and 2. Translated by E. F. J. Payne. Oxford, England: Clarendon Press, 1974

  Seneca. Letters from a Stoic. Translated by Robin Campbell. New York: Penguin, 1969.

  Smith, Adam. The Theory of Moral Sentiments. Washington, D.C.: Gateway Editions, 2000.

  SOME INTERESTING BOOKS ON THE SCIENCE AND PRACTICE OF HAPPINESS

  Argyle, Michael. The Psychology of Happiness, 2nd ed. New York: Taylor & Francis, 2001.

  Cowen, Tyler. Discover Your Inner Economist: Use Incentives to Fall in Love, Survive Your Next Meeting, and Motivate Your Dentist. New York: Dutton, 2007.

  Diener, Ed, and Robert Biswas-Diener. Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth. Malden, Mass.: Blackwell, 2008.

  Easterbrook, Gregg. The Progress Paradox: How Life Gets Better While People Feel Worse. New York: Random House, 2003.

  Eid, Michael, and Randy J. Larsen, eds. The Science of Subjective Well-Being. New York: Guilford Press, 2008.

  Frey, Bruno, and Alois Stutzer. Happiness and Economics: How the Economy and Institutions Affect Human Well-Being. Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press, 2002.

  Gilbert, Daniel. Stumbling on Happiness. New York: Knopf, 2006.

  Gladwell, Malcolm. Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking. New York: Little, Brown, 2005.

  Haidt, Jonathan. The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom. New York: Basic Books, 2006.

  Lyubomirsky, Sonja. The How of Happiness. New York: Penguin Press, 2008.

  Nettle, Daniel. Happiness: The Science Behind Your Smile. New York: Oxford University Press, 2005.

  ———. Personality: What Makes You the Way You Are. New York: Oxford University Press, 2006.

  Pink, Daniel. A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future. New York: Riverhead, 2005.

&nb
sp; Schwartz, Barry. The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less. New York: HarperPerennial, 2004.

  Seligman, Martin. Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment. New York: Free Press, 2002.

  ———. Learned Optimism. New York: Knopf, 1991.

  ———. The Optimistic Child: How Learned Optimism Protects Children from Depression. New York: Houghton Mifflin, 1995.

  ———. What You Can Change and What You Can’t: The Complete Guide to Successful Self-Improvement. New York: Knopf, 1993.

  Thich Nhat Hanh. The Miracle of Mindfulness. Translated by Mobi Ho. Boston: Beacon Press, 1975.

  Wilson, Timothy. Strangers to Ourselves: Discovering the Adaptive Unconscious. Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 2002.

  EXAMPLES OF OTHER PEOPLE’S HAPPINESS PROJECTS

  Botton, Alain de. How Proust Can Change Your Life. New York: Vintage International, 1997.

  Frankl, Victor E. Man’s Search for Meaning. Boston: Beacon Press, 1992.

  Gilbert, Elizabeth. Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia. New York: Penguin, 2007.

  Jacobs, A. J. The Year of Living Biblically: One Man’s Humble Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible. New York: Simon & Schuster, 2007.

  Jung, C. G. Memories, Dreams, Reflections. New York, Vintage Books, 1963.

  Krakauer, Jon. Into the Wild. New York: Villard, 1996.

  Kreamer, Anne. Going Gray: What I Learned About Sex, Work, Motherhood, Authenticity, and Everything Else That Really Matters. New York: Little, Brown, 2007.

  Lamott, Anne. Operating Instructions. New York: Random House, 1997.

  ———. Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith. New York: Pantheon Books, 2005.

  Maugham, W. Somerset. The Summing Up. New York: Doubleday, 1938.

  O’Halloran, Maura. Pure Heart, Enlightened Mind. New York: Riverhead, 1994.

  Shapiro, Susan. Lighting Up: How I Stopped Smoking, Drinking, and Everything Else I Loved in Life Except Sex. New York: Delacorte Press, 2004.

  Thoreau, Henry David. Walden: Or, Life in the Woods. Boston: Shambhala Publications, 2004.

  A FEW HELPFUL BOOKS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

  Demaris, Ann, and Valerie White. First Impressions: What You Don’t Know About How Others See You. New York: Bantam Books, 2005.

  Faber, Adele, and Elaine Mazlish. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. New York: Avon Books, 1980.

  Fisher, Helen. Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. New York: Henry Holt, 2004.

  Gottman, John. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. London: Orion, 2004.

  Sutton, Robert I. The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t. New York: Warner Business, 2007.

  SOME OF MY FAVORITE MEMOIRS OF CATASTROPHE

  Beck, Martha. Expecting Adam. New York: Penguin, 2000.

  Broyard, Anatole. Intoxicated by My Illness. New York: Clarkson Potter, 1992.

  Didion, Joan. The Year of Magical Thinking. New York: Knopf, 2005.

  Mack, Stan. Janet and Me: An Illustrated Story of Love and Loss. New York: Simon & Schuster, 2004.

  O’Kelly, Gene. Chasing Daylight: How My Forthcoming Death Transformed My Life. New York: McGraw-Hill, 2005.

  Shulman, Alix Kates. To Love What Is. New York: Farrar, Straus, 2008.

  Weingarten, Violet. Intimations of Mortality. New York: Knopf, 1978.

  SOME OF MY FAVORITE NOVELS ABOUT HAPPINESS

  Colwin, Laurie. Happy All the Time. New York: HarperPerennial, 1978.

  Frayn, Michael. A Landing on the Sun. New York: Viking, 1991.

  Grunwald, Lisa. Whatever Makes You Happy. New York: Random House, 2005.

  Hornby, Nick. How to Be Good. New York: Riverhead Trade, 2002.

  McEwan, Ian. Saturday. New York: Doubleday, 2005.

  Patchett, Ann. Bel Canto. New York: HarperCollins, 2001.

  Robinson, Marilynne. Gilead. New York: Farrar, Straus, 2004.

  Stegner, Wallace. Crossing to Safety. New York: Random House, 1987.

  Tolstoy, Leo. Anna Karenina. Translated by A. Maude. Oxford, England: Oxford University Press, 1939.

  ———. “The Death of Ivan Ilyich,” in The Death of Ivan Ilyich and Other Stories. Translated by T. C. B. Cook. London: Wordsworth Editions, 2004.

  ———. Resurrection. New York: Oxford World Classics, 1994.

  ———. War and Peace. Translated by Rosemary Edmonds. New York: Penguin, 1957.

  Von Arnim, Elizabeth. Elizabeth and Her German Garden. Chicago: W. B. Conkey Co., 1901.

  THE BOOKS THAT MOST INFLUENCED MY OWN HAPPINESS PROJECT

  Franklin, Benjamin. The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin. New Haven, Conn.: Yale University Press, 1964.

  Thérèse of Lisieux. Story of a Soul, 3rd ed. John Clarke, O.C.D. Washington, D.C.: ICS Publications, 1996.

  Everything written by Samuel Johnson.

  About the Author

  GRETCHEN RUBIN is the author of several books, including the bestselling Forty Ways to Look at Winston Churchill and Forty Ways to Look at JFK. Rubin began her career in law, and she was clerking for Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor when she realized that she really wanted to be a writer. Raised in Kansas City, she lives in New York City with her husband and two young daughters.

  Visit Gretchen Rubin’s popular blog, The Happiness Project, at Slate.com or at www.happiness-project.com. Her author Web site is www.gretchenrubin.com.

  Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins author.

  ALSO BY GRETCHEN RUBIN

  Forty Ways to Look at JFK

  Forty Ways to Look at Winston Churchill

  Power Money Fame Sex: A User’s Guide

  Profane Waste (with Dana Hoey)

  Credits

  Jacket photograph © Russell Kord/Alamy; bluebird illustration by Juliette Borda

  Jacket design by Archie Ferguson and Christine Van Bree

  Copyright

  The names and identifying details of certain individuals have been changed to protect their privacy.

  THE HAPPINESS PROJECT. Copyright © 2009 by Gretchen Rubin. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Rubin, Gretchen Craft.

  The happiness project/by Gretchen Rubin.—1st ed.

  p. cm.

  ISBN-13: 978-0-06-158325-4

  ISBN-10: 0-06-158325-1

  1. Happiness. 2. Self-actualization (Psychology) I. Title.

  BF575.H27R83 2009

  158—dc22 2009001412

  EPub Edition © November 2009 ISBN: 978-0-06-196206-6

  10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

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